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December
February 2006
Tuesday 21st Feb
Sorry it took so long, and also sorry for the brief writeup of the southside open day. I'll elaborate at some point, but these pics are speaking more words than I could ever write.
Don't miss the last 2 images on page 5. And also don't miss the safari, carl and the Mayor.
View the images right here.
Friday 17th Feb
Well, we road-tripped the shirt, and the mascots seem to dig them. Hell, Orange Grips could spit on a piece of paper and the chicks would love it. Kind of action I'd expect from an academic as well!... I digress.
Here we have the totally beautiful Lilyfari showing her total glee about the
first prototype shirt. Two thumbs up there Lily, you're kicking ass for the
Bmx Safari. Give her a click to see the full size image.
You all know Vonfari, the original Paramour Safari Mascot. She jumped into
the shirt and radded it up for a brief, yet glorious moment. Looking good
Vonfari. Looking good. Again, click away for a better squizz.
Last but about as far away from least, the succulent Melton showing her
interest in the shirt in a slightly more interesting, yet highly typical
Melton way. As always, with her lips planting one on Jigme.
Thursday 16th Feb
The long wait has ended. The Bmx Safari pumped out a t-shirt, like a loving
mother would pump out her sopping screaming baby, covered in afterbirth, blood
and god knows what else. It was an emotional trip.
But we came out smelling like baby powder. As one would expect.
If you'd like to see images of this shirt, and the process of it being made, feel free to by clicking this super fantastic link.
I lost a whole bunch of the photos of the initial processes of the shirt. Not sure why they just disappeared off my digicam memory card, but what, me worry?
We plan to make bmx safari t-shirts and hoodies and have them as giveaways for contests (coming soon!) as well as some other rad goodies we have around for you dudes. Also, if you're an unlucky bastid, you can buy one eventually.
OG and Jigme have time off work for this Saturdays bmx meeting at Southside so we'll see you there jerkwads! Between 12 and 3 I believe. Looking forward to it. Jigme, the flabby bastard hasn't been bmxing in about 2 months!
Wednesday 15th Feb
The word on the street, mainly the street named Vonfari Avenue, is that the illustrious Melfari is back in Australia to stay. Wipe your tear sodden eyes little boys, everything is going to be ok. Just fine.
I'll also take this opportunity to introduce the rad dude on the bottom right of your browser, and hopefully, you'll realise on your own, that that's his hair and he's not actually wearing a hat. This guy is a marker, nay, a frigging BENCHMARK on how we score radicalness. Take note you greasy grease balls of grease, we just raised the bar.
I wish I was a man enough not to point out this rediculous website, but I'm not. I mean.. WTF.
Saturday 11th Feb
Just an update to the people who may be wondering. The BMXSAFARI is far
from dead, we are in the process of making official BMXSAFARI shirts!
That's right my greasy chums, BMXSAFARI shirts. You can own your very own shirt with a nothing-short-of-hyper-radical design on it and your name and/or race number on the back.
Now grab a paper bag, and breathe deep into it before you pass out because I know what you're all thinking.
OMG JIGME! WTF ORANGE GRIPS! THERE'S NOTHING COOLER THAN A CUSTOMISED BMXSAFARI SHIRT, MADE JUST FOR ME!!!
Well, this is true. You are correct, you assertive so and so. There is no greater
happiness available in this life than owning your very own bmxsafari t-shirt.
Except maybe full enlightenment, but that's another story.
Talking about other stories. Check out this kid.
The girl you've been enjoying is one of our newest mascots.. Melton. She comes all the way from Bibra Lake and is a highly motivated team player. She's an asset to the team and we welcome her with open arms. As you can see, she has no problem laying on the sauce with either Jigme or Vonfari so she's obviously devoted.
Our super gorgeous Melfari has sadly departed and moved permanently back to her
homeland of Spain. Shed a tear for her. I know I am. Feel free to click her for a better
squizz.
Remember, if you'd like to send an e-mail to any of our Mascots: Vonfari, Melton or even the abroad Melfari, feel free right here. I'd say to keep the e-mails clean, but hell, they like a bit of dirty talk so say whatever the hell you like, you rugged rapscallion.
December 2005
Sunday 25th December
Merry Christmas Bmx Safari readers! Stay safe while eclipsing the sun with your Turndowns. "STAY AWAY MARK! STAY AWAY!"
Friday 23rd December
Check out the Reviews section to see our Hills Bmx Track write up. It gets the Safari's 2 thumbs up easily. .. If you know what I mean.
Tuesday 13th December
Ok fellas. I've moved house and settled in and almost got the PC/internet thing sorted out. We've finally done Hills BMX track. It was rad. Stay tuned, we've got some photos, and a story about 2 girls we saw down there. Most of you don't know what a girl is. Try google.com. Expect that update within the next day or so...
Also, our reporter, Orange Grips has been in the field pimping kids on the flatcorners. Our roving celebrity will be giving a rundown on the events that went on on the noclips race that just passed. Also, expect some amusing anecdotes about Ben "STAY AWAY!" Davis and related kudos to a taylor brother ;).
And a big shout out to the loyal bmxsafari.org readers from NLSC and their teacher, who I hear, is hung like a motherloving horse... It's a worry that the bmxsafari office trusts our readers are more familiar with the size of a horses phallice than what a girl is. Anyway, it's good to see they're actually teaching something decent in school now. 5-8th period.. Bmxsafari class. Learning to pull 360 turndowns that ECLIPSE THE FRIGGING SUN YAH! And yes little man. You can write like this.
An e-mail from Orange Grips regarding this update
I was laughing. You know why? because out of all the safari write-ups so far, that was the only update EVEN I was unable to fully comprehend. it looks like you've reached a "in-gag" uptopia of a circle of one. bravo sir. no really though, that update was lol, i was thinking in several bits, "Is this mutherfucka smoking incense or what?". It was like a four year old child shouting nonsense at full blast from the playroom, oblivious to the fact that everyone is looking at him thinking "who's fucking spazz kid is that?" well, in some bits. lgl all the way home for that update. **** stars.
November 2005
TopFriday 18th November
Dudes, it's been busy busy. We haven't forgotten the mission. Stay tuned. We'll be back with a bmx track review real soon. Check back in a week!
Also, it seems a click on the old "refresh" button is needed for the stylesheet to kick in properly. I'm workin on it...
bmx bikes bmx extreme sports championships sex
October 2005
TopMonday 30th October
OMFG... Talk about a resounding victory! Orange Grips, being the gentleman he is, conceded "the feet" early on with this e-mail.
Date: Oct 29, 2005 11:37 PM
2 point something. for shame. i will never set foot in public again. they will point and taunt me with sticks and lies and call me "little baby-man". nay. tis the end, alas.
by the law of averages im gunna need a lot of "10s" to make the cover of GQ. so... I humbly stand before you, sir, a winner in defeat, but also, a violent cunt. so dont gimmy me no lip or i'll make you REAL PRETTY.
i think our hot or nots can be half sized again and be a permanent fixture.
over and out victor charlie
What a gent! For a disgusting pile of maggot bile, he's quite a gent! No I jest. He's not. When the Mascots recieved the memo I sent around the bmx safari office this afternoon, they burst into tears. No really, they were grief sticken.
As Orange "little baby man" Grips suggested, a permanent hot or not section on the website is a good idea. Infact, there's nothing wrong with gathering up as many bmx rider faces as we possibly can and make a motherloving LEADERBOARD. I digress...
As soon as the Safari Mobile is up and running again, there'll be a new track safari. And it's going to be omfgwtfRAD. Over and Out.. Victor Charlie.
Saturday 29th October
Well, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. The climax of the Hot or Not showdown! The veritable multiple orgasm of our contest. The pinnacle, the summit and the crest simultaneously. I know.. It's... that... good. It's JIGME vs. ORANGE GRIPS!
Someone once said, when we had the crazy idea for the bmx safari, that there will be problems. With a BMX SAFARI comes women. And when I say women, I mean a mother-loving PLENITUDE of gams, bams and sha-bam-balams. The only problem the bmx safari has had so far is figuring out how to divide the women. We need a pecking order so to speak. And this will decide that very pecking order.
Now, Women are like fish. They're attracted to shiney objects. So Orange Grips will win those flooseys over. But Jigme is wearing the thinkgeek.com STFU hoodie so he'll win over the geeky girls, and the girls who are a little partial to the potty mouthed lad.
This, dear reader, will require a steady hand by you as the outcome of this will be far, far reaching. I hope you realise the depth and power of which you have been given. By clicking the photos to the left, and voting as you deem fit, you are under-taking one of those tasks that your grandad always craps on about. I mean, it's one of those things passed down from generation to generation kind of power and responsibility. So tread steadily my good chum.
Wednesday 5th October
After, what I can only describe as LAME cheating by both sides, Ben Davis came out the winner by a
hoedown and a barndance on 6.6. Dylan Prince came in at a princely 4.7.
Next week, we enter round three and give you what you've all been waiting for... Jigme vs. Orange
Grips! That's right dear reader. It's Man vs. Machine. Legend vs. Myth. Ghandi vs. Sun Tzu.
Jesus vs. Rasputin. China vs. Tibet. Good vs. Evil.
BE THERE... THIS WEEKEND... THE CRUD HITS THE FAN!
Monday 3rd October
What a month that September was eh? HOOO-WHEE! God DAMN this heat! Ok, we're lined up this month with some more radness. Got a new safari coming up Thursday if all goes to plan, which it often doesn't. It's also been brought to my attention that I make a lot of spelling mistakes. This is something I will strive to addresse ;)
Profiles are on their way. I'm sure you're all looking forward to Melfari and Vonfari's profiles especially. You're all a bunch of dirty boys. Shame on you!
If you're looking for September's news, which included the Blake "Golden Boy" Schofield vs. the ever gorgeous Scotty "Omfg Check me out! I'm sexy pants!" Taylor showdown on Hot or Not.com, it's been moved to the archive. Muchos fun.
September 2005
TopTuesday 27th September
Well, a glorious week of sweet anticipation has passed since the showdown of the sexitude of the silver tounged, and now well known pretty boy, Scott Taylor, and Blake "Golden Boy" Schofield. It's time for a new pair of bmx racing scallywags to step up and face the music.
These 2 fellas are probably the oldest, and most credited Bmx Safari fans in WA. They can't seem to get enough of Orange Grips' crazy antics. They love giving us support on the Racebmxwa Forums in the form of well structured sentances, and razor sharp wit.
For this, we salute you!
Unfortunatly, these fellas aren't as beautiful as our last 2 contestants, but gosh darn it, they're twice as fun. So vote lots, cheat lots, and remember. If it's on the bmxsafari.. IT MUST BE COOL!
We are also proud to introduce a couple of members to the bmx safari team. The georgous pair, Melfari and Vonfari.
We hope you enjoy the pics as much as we have here in the bmx safari office. Make you you
mail us some fan mail to them (Let's call is Mascot Mail cos it sounds cool.)
Send all Mascot Mail here. And of course, if your girl
wants to send in a photo holding a bmx safari banner, we'll be happy to post it in our soon to be
created Mascot Mall!.. Or whatever.. Not sure what we're gunna call it. That kinda popped into my
head and looks crappy on the screen.... Mascot... Mascot something...
Ooh yeah. Looks like we cracked 1000 unique visitors! Cheers safarists. Give yourselfs a jolly pat on the back!
Tuesday 20th September
Hot Or Not Competition Closed.
Well, it looks as if the competition has come to an end. Scott Taylor, the exceptionally good looking pretty boy has come up trumps with an unbeatable 9.9 on the sextor scale. Blake Schofield, disgustingly came in #2 (the first loser) at an unacceptable 9.4 on the sextor scale. Meaning, Blake Schofield is banned from racing bmx ever again.
On 2nd thoughts, he can race, that's fine. There's a 2nd round coming up tomorrow. I'm sure this round will be even more unpopular than the last, with our biggest fan, Ben Davis strutting his sex-pot-ential. I know you're all very eager to see this show of manliness. He will be up against a mystery person. Will it be Dylan Prince? Who knows! Only time will tell!
Google Ads
The bmx safari are now corporate sellouts. All revenue generated through people clicking links of interest on the google ads box to the left will be put into a pool for rad-tastical prizes. There is a new bmx pro shop opening soon, so expect some cool stuff from there, and of course, our good chums at BB Cycles. Bring on the half links!
Tuesday 13th September
Who-ho-HOAH! The competition is fierce. As I write this,
Scott has taken the lead on 9.8 with 35 votes. Blake is on 25 votes with a score of 9.1.
Make no mistake people, this competiton has serious repercussions that trace way back to
the White House! No one is safe anymore. Lock your doors and remember to check back here to
see the results. It's going to be a long night!
P.S. Can anyone tell me why I find this photo so frigging funny?
Don't find it funny? Well, how about now?
Monday 12th September
As promised, we have a gag. You all know Blake Schofield, the golden boy of RaceBmxWa.com and you all know Scott Taylor, probably the oldest and most credited AA+ pro in Western Australia. Well, today we put these rad racers, and undeniably handsom men to the test. In a final showdown, we find out who is the hottest racer in WA!
For all you who don't know what HotOrNot is, I suggest visiting their website to get totally clued into the general gist of it. Here at bmxsafari.org, we understand bmx is not just about riding fast and pimping people on the flat corners. It's about looking good, and clipless pedals.
As more votes are entered, through the hot or not website, their averages will rise and fall. When the votes reach 200, it's game over and we find out who is the glorious winner. The victor will get my mothers phone number.
Now, as to privacy and all that jazz, I've *semi* cleared this with Blake "Golden Boy" Schobaby, but I've been unable to contact Scott "Probably" Taylor. If either Scott or Blake have any issues with the blatant piss-take nature of this, e-mail me and I'll remove it. But I suggest you don't, as this is mightly good for gags :)
Thursday 8th September
Good Morning Poptarts. I'm working the massive amount of hours over the next couple weeks, but when I get some time and I remember, the Bmx Safari has a gag coming up for you. One of those things you wake up an extra 30 seconds for so you can check it before you go to the office. (I highly doubt anyone reading this works in an office. If you do, can I have a job? I've always wanted to wear a tie to work. For real.) I digress. Gag is coming.
Friday 2nd September
Well, a new month is marked with an exceptionally rad turn of events. An exceptionally cute girl from my work has offered to be our mascot! So expect some exceptionally cute topless (strageically placed bmx safari sign) photos of her. Let's give it up for the un-named mascot! Radtacular starts here.
August 2005
TopSaturday 27th Aug
Knocked up a banner today for the
Top 100 Bmx Website,
as we're gunna be in the top 10 soon enough and we get to have a banner visible. Pretty rad.
Feel free to use it to link to the Bmx Safari. We'll be happy to do a link exchange.
Tuesday 9th August
The bmx safari got wind of some changes to Southside bmx track. We plan on going down very very soon and doing a review from the only point of view that actually matters... The under experienced, outspoken minority.
July 2005
TopThursday 28th July
Orange Grips has finished artisting the video
for the safari doubles expedition.
Download it,
covet it, share it amongst your worthless friends.
Tuesday 26th July
Today, we went to Southside. Improvements have been made. Much fun was had. You can read about it here.
Friday 22nd July
EXTREEEEEEME! lol.
Tuesday 19th July
We were finally able to record and complete the BMX SAFARI PRO SECTION! Your unhappy days are over. Check it out.
Sunday 3rd July
Today. We ran over my helmet. I've not nothing more to say. Feel free to check out the article.
June 2005
TopWednesday 29th June
As your brave and fearless Jigme fends off the clutches of influenza, he intrepidly goes forth, in a bold move of not only courage, but initiative without peer, insearch of satellite imagery of all the bmx tracks worthy of the safari's footsteps. You will see in the track reviews, a link to the satellite image of that particular track when we've located them all. Until now, the safari member known as "Unnamed Dude" has torn his wretched self out of the unnamed catagory and will now be reffered to as Satellite for his gallant efforts in finding these images.
Tuesday 28th June
To award our faithful visitors who vote for us regularly, I've made the arduous journey to my computer to give you faithful bmx safarists a new pic of Orange Grips' new bike. Soak it up my friends. Soak it up.
Tuesday 28th June
Orange Grips is building a new bike. Here's a photo of it so far. More pics to come.
Thursday 23rd June
Added a new non-track article. Yet another attempt at visiting the mysterious trials section gone awry. Is it destiny that we'll never go to this track? Or should Orange Grips simply trust Jigme's near perfect weatherman capabilities. Jigme also got bored so he changed the colour scheme on the website, and also started talking about himself in the third person. He thought that was undeniably cool.
Thursday 16th June
The BMX SAFARI'S plans to go to the hidden trials line and build the "SAFARI PRO SECTION!" were thrwarted due to bad weather. Yet another setback to our victory over the skies.
Friday 10th June
Nothing beats a Dukes of Hazzard gag in the driveway. Nothing. That's a gag... NEXT GAG!
Check it out.
Thursday 23rd June
Added a new non-track article. Yet another attempt at visiting the mysterious trials section gone awry.
Thursday 9th June
Bmxsafari.org registered and after some wierd config issues, we're online. We will still be closely linked with racebmxwa.com and will be leeching off the popularity of their forums as ususal, but we won't be held accountable for any actions now. It's all on for young and old! Orange Grips aka "Orange Gimp" will be on holidays soon so expect at least 2-3 entries inc. Hills, the super secret trials location and the Bmxsafari.org's PRO-SECTION. Stay tuned.
May 2005
TopSunday, 29th May
A scathing attack on your friend and humble narrator left him stunned! It seems Dylan has a spy in his house trying to foil the plans of the BMX SAFARI to spread radness across the land! We can only pray for a peacefull resolution, and for Jigme's status as a totally heterosexual male to spread across the land, much like the radness that the BMX SAFARI is trying to spread... Across the land.
Thursday, 19th May
Today, the safari stumbled upon not only a place to build a set of doubles, but a hidden trials/mini downhill run built by unknown citizens! The safari is en route next week. The spot will remain unnamed, but will be well documented!
